Dear Lifeguard….

As defined by Wikipedia A lifeguard supervises the safety and rescue of swimmers, surfers, and other water sports participants such as in a swimming pool, water park, or beach. Lifeguards are strong swimmers and trained in first aid, certified in water rescue……. 

Dear Lifeguard:

I have always had the utmost respect for your occupation.  You stand on the sidelines of the pool/beach watching the masses while everyone else is having fun.  You are always attentive, cautious, helpful and in emergency situations you save lives.  In fact Beach Patrol: San Diego, may or may not be one of my favorite “reality” tv shows that I haven’t seen in forever.

I have been swimming in the same spot for almost a month now.  I go and you are always there “watching”.  Normally, you sit atop your perch, on the opposite side of the pool watching the boys playing water polo and we do not speak.  I like it like this.  I like to go, swim and leave as quickly as possible.  I don’t really want to talk to anyone.  I don’t want anyone to “watch” me or I would go back to swimming at LA Fitness where the body builders sit in the hot tub “watching” the swimmers while they “rest” their aching, bulging muscles

Yesterday,  when I entered the pool you were sitting atop your perch watching the boys playing water polo and I slid into the water to swim.  I only made 3 or 4 laps before you came over to sit on MY side of the pool to watch me.  This really bothered me.  First off, I swim on that side of the pool on purpose to get further way from you.  Second, although I know I am not the best swimmer, I certainly believe that I could hold my own in a pool which at any given time, I can stand up in…… even in the “deep” end.   Thirdly, you made me believe that I was GOING TO DROWN!  Although, I was attempting to focus on my “just keep swimming” mantra, you interrupted my thoughts and made me paranoid.  I couldn’t think of anything other than the fact that you thought I was going to drown.  I tried to focus on my stroke but kept thinking I must look sooooo horrible that you had to come over and sit close in order to be better prepared to save me from DROWNING.  I tried to focus on my breathing and choked on a mouthful of water because I was concerned about what you thought about my swimming or lack thereof ability.

It took almost 20 laps of me flailing around in the water for you to return to your perch.  Gee, leaving so soon?  Did I finally develop a rhythm which looked safer?  Or was it the 5th water polo ball which bonked me in the head, forcing me to stop swimming, stand up, and pitch the ball into the other pool, which helped you realize I was tall and could “possibly” avoid drowning if I were to stand up?  Or were you frustrated watching my pathetic attempt at swimming?  That’s it, isn’t it?  Regardless, thank you for leaving but also allow me to thank you for watching “just in case”. I  know your job isn’t easy.  I know you have a lot of responsiblity.  I know you take your job seriously and I thank you…..just please watch from across the pool in the future.

I promise I will become better.  I promise I will become faster.  I promise I will try not to flail around so much next time so as not to disturb your watching water polo practice.  See you next Monday.

Your Tall Swimmer,                                                                                                          Amanda – TooTallFritz

17 thoughts on “Dear Lifeguard….

  1. I’m sure it wasn’t you. When I go places with lifeguards, they are always moving around to different spots. I heard it was so they stay more alert. Glad they ended up moving:)

  2. My gym doesn’t have a lifeguard, but also has a giant sign that says “DO NOT SWIM ALONE.” OK … I guess I’ll need to make a friend.

    On Sunday, I saw the most bizarre pool behavior yet. A woman, in a swimsuit, came to the pool area, showered up in preparation of swimming, then spent 20 minutes walking around the pool deck staring into the water. I couldn’t decide what she was doing – maybe waiting for an empty lane because she didn’t want to split? It was odd.

  3. I am laughing at these thoughts, thank you!!! But it would drive me so crazy also. I really don’t care for anyone watching me, I would always be thinking they are being critical of me, and my form, etc.

  4. Somehow i can see this entire thing playing out in my mind and it’s hilarious. What i would have done to have been there, and to get creepily close to the lifeguard, and just watched him watching you.

  5. This post was hysterical! I can totally relate since I spent the summer trying to learn to swim, and most of the time it was just myself and the lifeguard. I think the lifeguard actually groaned every afternoon when I would come to the pool, because then she would have to climb up on her perch and watch me pretend to swim. Out of every ten minutes, I probably “swam” one minute. The other nine minutes I would just stand there convincing myself that I should try again. In the end, it all paid off, and the lifeguard hasn’t had to come save me…yet!

  6. Love it! I actually pay someone to watch me swim..crazy, right? It makes me so paranoid that I think I might actually do better if I didn’t have a coach in swim class…haha!

  7. hahahah! this cracked me up! But don’t have the lifeguards fool you, being a lifeguard is such an easy job!!!! Its not hard. I used to be one. I was a lifeguard for like 5+ years….and it was SOOOOOO boring! I’m guessing they just needed a change of scenery…but now that you wrote this post…I’m wondering how many people I made nervous by standing over them while they swam laps!!!

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