The seasons are always changing.  Things are always happening.  We don’t have control over what happens but we do have control over our reaction.  

If you are like me, then maybe your reaction, isn’t always thought out.  It might be a bit harder to control the “reaction”.  I’m a fast thinker.  Fast talker.  I sometimes react before my thoughts have fully developed and that isn’t necessarily to my benefit.   I’m an Aries and the sign fits me well. 

Looking at those adjectives associated with the sign, a couple pop out at me.  Impatient.  Impulsive.  Blunt.  Detached.  I don’t like to wait.  I want to react now.  If something is broken, I want to fix it.  I want to fix things now.  Or yesterday if that’s an option.  It has to happen so let’s just do it.  Now.

Yet the older I get, the more I realize that so many things are out of my control.  Especially how others react to a situation.  As an Aries, to me, things are pretty cut and dry.  For others there is wiggle room.  Their reaction is subject to interpretation after I’ve already made my decision and have moved onto the next thing.  They move slower.  They think.  They speak cautiously as if the words they choose are a matter of life and death.  In fact, so slow and so cautiously that I want to pull their words out of their mouth or better yet, tell them what to say.  It’s almost painful for me to await their words and/or reactions.  Sounds dramatic?  It certainly feels that way.  And in so, it makes me …… Impatient.  Impulsive.  Blunt.  And sometimes …. Detached.

I’ve spoken previously about depression (Depression Hurts) and confidence (Strong Enough) issues.  It seems as if there is almost always someone very close to me who is struggling with mental demons of some sort.  I can’t say that I’m immune to those things but I frequently feel detached from them.  More as if I don’t have time for my own mental demons so it’s hard to understand how debilitating they can be for others.  I think God puts these people in my path to keep me humble and to slow me down.  To teach me things about savoring the moment.  To help me realize that some things can’t be fixed now, or yesterday.  To put my impatience on hold because this is something which I can’t control or fix.

I’m at one of these junctures now.  A place where I can’t fix what has gone wrong.  I can’t make someone happy.  I can’t take away their pain.  I can’t make them love themselves.  I can’t make them feel worthy.  Or strong.  Or beautiful.  Or smart.  Or amazing.  Or even normal.  And that sucks.  Miss Fix-It can’t fix this.  So I’ll wait.  And I’ll pull out a few of the better Aries characteristics.  I’ll be strong, optimistic ….. And loving. 

I know people go thru these things every day.  And it’s not fun.  If you’re the one struggling with mental demons that are leaving you feel worthless and alone, go get help.  Talk to someone.  You’re not alone.  If you are the friend, daughter, mother, wife or neighbor to the one struggling, just be there and try not to obsess over the fact that you can’t fix everything.  Don’t take it personally.  Dry those tears and be ready when they need you.  I’ll be waiting it out with you. 

** The Waiting Game ** Amanda – TooTallFritz