As women, we are so often defined by a number.  Weight.  Height.  Number of children.  Miles ran.  Hours in the gym.  Reps.  Life.  Work.  Money.

Enough already.  We are more than a number!

Last week I had a bit of a breakdown.  I had ordered something from one of my favorite retailers.  It was a special order thing.  We order in October.  It arrives after the new year.  I ordered the same size as last year, even tough I’m not the same size physically as last year.  Well, it arrived and it didn’t fit.  Cut was different.  Sizing was different.  Length was different.  I returned it for a size larger.  New larger size arrived last week and well, it still doesn’t fit.  Too small.  Too short.  Maybe if it were long enough it would work, but not now.

Same story with my entire closet.  I’ve packed on the pounds.  Over 20 to be exact.  Yes, I’ve said it before.  Yes, it’s still true.  Some of it attributed to the move, and the miles, and the length of time it took.  Some probably attributed to my new age group.  Regardless, I’ve been busting my butt and the scales isn’t moving.  And it’s emotionally draining. 

On average, I’ve been running 35 miles a week.  Strength & CrossFit workouts 2x a week.  Plus a cycling workout or two.  I’m out of time and energy.  Plus the Plantar Fasciitis in my left foot still isn’t great so as I increase mileage, my foot gets worse. 

What to do?  I’m getting rid of the scales and just focusing on being fit, healthy and happy, at whatever size that may be right now.  I’ve put in time and energy and used lots of supplements to spur weight loss and well, very little helps.  No, I’m not perfect with my food but I’m pretty good.  Lots of fruits, veggies, lean proteins.  My downfalls:  busy schedules which leads to pizza or carryout at least 1x a week & my love of Corona Lt (realistically 1-4 per week).  

I personally can’t let the number on the scale determine how I feel about myself.  I’m strong.  I’m healthy.  I might be what some call a “fit fat” but it is what it is and I refuse to apologize.  Good bye, Scales!  Good riddance!  You’ve never helped me feel good about myself.  I’ve been a slave to you for longer than I will admit.  No more.  I’ve purged the majority of negativity from my life and for some stupid reason I let you stay.  No more.

I will run.  And bike.  And swim.  And lift.  And Circuit Train.  And CrossFit.  And probably buy new clothes for summer.  Cuz living with a wardrobe the doesn’t fit makes me feel bad.   Every.Single.Day.

I encourage you to start living your life and stop defining yourself by the numbers.  I know you do it.  Admit it.  Now stop.  With each new era and change in life, our bodies adapt in different ways.  While my girlfriend may not be able to gain a pound no matter how many Twinkies she eats even if she tries.  I personally can gain without much effort.  Apparently that’s my era.  I will embrace it and keep doing what I’m doing WITHOUT stepping on the scales and feeling bad about MY number.   Let’s all focus on being fit and healthy, regardless of how our clothes are “fitting” this amazing body that God gave us.  No more shame.  No more apologies. 

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** Go forth and be happy, free of the numbers ** Amanda – TooTallFritz **